David: Gay, Heterosexual...Does he ever come to a conclusion?

What is David's Sexual Orientation?

"Then I took her in my arms and something happened then. I was terribly glad to see her...She fitted my arms, she always had, and the shock of holding her caused me to feel that my arms had been empty since she had been away" (120). I thought this was an interesting scene and it goes along with what we have been discussing in class: some people are not totally heterosexual or homosexual. In this scene David appears to show some desire for Hella because it "feels right" when they touch. It is not like the scene with Sue where he does not enjoy being with her at all.

"I felt a hardness and a constriction in her, a grave distrust, created already by too many men like me..." (99). David was picking up Sue because she was "easy." Many other men had done the same thing before. "...she had small breasts and a big behind..." (95). She was not very attractive and probably did not feel adequate. In order to make herself feel better about herself, Sue had sex with David. In this case, David is not necessarily feeling homosexual feelings, but he is definitely not feeling attraction to Sue. Maybe he is trying to have sex with her because he is in denial of his homosexuality. David's homosexuality is clearly shown to Giovanni.

As David leaves Giovanni's room he remarks, "Then something opened in my brain, a secret, noiseless door swung open, frightening me: it had not occurred to me until that instant that, in fleeing from his body, I confirmed and perpetuated his body's power over me...as though i had been branded his body was burned into my mind, into my dreams" (144). Here David seems to acknowledge his issue with his sexuality. He acknowledges that he is running from something. David can now see that he is trying to hide from his sexuality.

David says at the conclusion of the novel, "...the key to my salvation, which cannot save my body, is hidden in my flesh" (168). Maybe, the key to his salvation is his orientation. It is hidden because he hides it. David tries to ignore his homosexuality through Hella and Sue. His orientation also originates from his body. It originates from who he is attracted to.

I think that at the conclusion of the novel, David doesn't necessarily come to a definitive decision about his sexuality, but he realizes that it is the key to his happiness. His sexuality seems to be the main conflict in his life. It is why he runs away to Paris and is afraid to have a relationship with his father. Often the first way to solving a problem is being able to address it first.