Symbolism in Giovanni's Room

"...I take the blue envelope which Jaques has sent me and tear it slowly into many pieces, watching them dance in the wind, watching the wind carry them away. Yet, as I turn and begin walking toward the waiting people, the wind blows some of them back on me" (169). Jaques seemed to symbolize everything David was afraid of becoming. Jaques was a pervert and liked young boys. He used his money to get what he wanted. Jaques often lent money to David because he did not work. Maybe this blue paper was one of the checks that Jaques wrote out to David. By wripping this check up, David would be cutting ties with Jaques. He would not cash the money. He would not be in debt to Jaques. This wripping up of the check from Jaques seems like a symbol of David trying to tear himself away from his gay lifestyle. Jaques symbolizes the gay lifestyle David fears. It is fitting that after he rips up the check that it blows back onto him. This symbolizes how David can never seem to get away from his "shameful" desires.